December 16th 2015

Sitting in the car park of Rosie's netball club on a ridiculously warm December evening. I was thinking back to Dads n Lads camping in early September where the evening must have been near to freezing with a bitter wind blowing. It's currently 14* ! Let it snow?

I'm on the cusp of having my shoulder operated on. Not particularly looking forwards to that but looking forwards to getting better as we move into 2016. I've never had an op, never been anesthetised. I'm guessing I'll be feeling pretty groggy over the Christmas holiday but I really need to get my brain and my heart back in gear. I've not been sat at home in front of the telly since Aug 11th when I made that glorious save (fell over when the full back bumped into me). Lack of sleep and lack of right armery has been my downfall. There's hardly a footpath within a 10 mile radius of home that I haven't walk along but it's all down time till I can lace up my trainers again or plug in my GPS kit at work. Really looking forwards to reintroducing my bum to my bike saddle too.

It's been tricky looking forwards to Christmas too, what with a visit to hospital between now and then. I've always loved knocking up the festive feast for the family but it is out of my hands this year so I'll have to embrace it and enjoy someone else doing all the work for a change. Having Jenny home to help Ms G on the pots and pans will be great. Jen came back from Leeds just a couple of days ago but has thrown herself into work. Money is the motivation for that as Uni life has obviously put a massive dent in her bank balance.

Tomorrow marks my annual "shopping trip" to London where I meet up with top lads Simon and Richard. My oldest work buddies.  We've been scouring the streets of London every year for 20+ Christmases and it always starts and ends in a pub. Fortunately all the presents have been bought, wrapped and placed under the tree already so I can wallow in beer all day!

It'll be my 1st Christmas since mum passed away. Above anyone I know, mum loved Christmas. She used to love it when we'd decend on her for lunch and she loved doing the cards, the shopping, the carols, the telly and decorating the place. Her last Christmas was awful for her and all of us. It was so sad she didn't get one last hurrah, but in truth she'd been too unwell to enjoy things as much for a number of years. I shall go and spend some time on the cliffs looking out to sea, where we laid some of her ashes, on Christmas morning and probably shed a tear or two.

Seasons greetings to the world, specially Jim and the Sawtry girls. Jim usually reads my whafflings here, which I mostly write in lieu of being bothered to write a diary and he's good enough to give me gentle positive nudges when things look a bit bleaker from my side of the keyboard.

2016, I'm coming to get you

November 29 2015

Crushed by the wheels of government

My shoulder injury continues to consume my thoughts and my time and my patience though as I write I am at a very important part of the story. 

I have been offered an operation to rectify things though that may not be till the end of Feb or maybe March or maybe not even then if the bed space gets critical and ops are pulled. The potential for this would mean not being able to do my job till late April - getting on for nine months since the injury happened on the playing fields of Gresham. How can this be? Well, in my mind it's simply a case of massive underfunding of a Public Health Service. I don't/can't blame the medics, doctors or nurses I've seen to date. Their hands are tied, their funding is negledgeable  for the tasks they are expected to perform and they are in an invidious position to offer anything better. 

This week I'm tasked to explore every possible avenue to expedite things. I've learnt to live with my incapacity rather well I think - to the point where, by day, I seem to be able to get on with day to day tasks, albeit in a spot of discomfort and not taking on anything too testing, but I still find the night time very uncomfortable. My fancy new fitness tracking device told me that in my sleep last night, I woke up 15 times. That can't be good.

While I've never been a renowned sleeper - I genuinely can't remember the last time I was still asleep past 7:30am - I am looking forwards to returning to comfortable nights sleeps again. 

There maybe some more positive outcome news in the next few days, but that's down to me and a little help from my friends. 

 Jez

Nov 16 2015

Interesting little chats with Rosie after the awful awful goings on in Paris on Friday. We've done religion, prospect of terrorists in London, prospects of terrorists landing on the beach in Sheringham and even all out WW3. I guess that, whoever is ultimately responsible for the cowardly attacks, is kind of hoping that such fears are being sewn in the minds of the western world. 

In truth I have no answers for Rosie, other than my genuine/foolish idea that everyone should get together for a game of cricket, have a nice cup of tea and have a chat about why we're not getting on so well. It's better than shooting innocent people or dropping bombs.

Not that I'd be on the cricket team just now. Hopefully I'll have some better news later this week about operations and the likely hood of actually going back to work.

Starting to get very frustrated about my inability to do things. I keep thinking that my days could be spent doing much more constructive "stuff", then I tweak my shoulder and realise most constructive things are out of the question. Eg - yesterday I got the leaf rake out to clear the front garden of next doors oak leaves and I simply can't do the job. Hardly the forefront of pushing the boundaries but it's damned annoying. I don't suppose my injury is any worse than it was in Aug but there's a cumulative lack of sleep and continual nagging pain that makes it feel like things have been getting slightly worse day by day.

Going to start getting the peloton together for next summers big ride in the next few days - that should give me a bit of a target to return to normal fitness!

November 3rd 2015

Sitting in the garden in relative warmth. 3:15, sun going. No one home except me.

In the quietest of all places, with still air, it's got that weird summer Sunday afternoon feel about the day. You can catch the odd word of a distant conversation, every bird song within a mile or so, chainsaws, sugar beet harvesters, chickens, the odd car and the occasional USAF fighter jet (oh and that wretched barking dog from Bolton)

It's a sound and a place I am becoming more and more familiar with. The ongoing saga of my dodgy arm, Armageddon, has given me these times, wether I like it or not. 

After being signed off by my GP on 1st October, I was expecting to have had things move on apace but I sit here in pretty much the same situation. The ultrasound scan in mid October did at least confirm that my injury was not very pleasant, the arm bone having slid up and through the tendons connecting arm to shoulder, leaving a gaping hole which will need surgical repair. Since then I have been chasing up an appointment with the appropriate consultant, news of which was only confirmed today. My doctor has declared me unfit for work for another month, pending my discussion with the surgeon later in November, with the likelihood of an operation sometime in December. I have no idea of waiting list times or convalescence times post op but it looks very much like I shall be spending many many more days at home waiting for things to improve.

I'm still having painfully painful short sleeps by night, leading to tired meandering walks around the local paths and roads by day. The constant numb pain felt in my upper arm is with me all day and while it isn't particularly overwhelming (till I try and reach for something or pick something up) it is a continual reminder that something ain't right.

There seems little hope of a return to work for me till the new year. There is so much I want to achieve next year already - lots of simple things above all else and that is keeping me focused. I hate these days where nothing has been achieved, other than maybe a nice walk. 

The worst thing about my work absence is the genuine feeling that I have dumped an unmanageable, unfair workload on my local colleagues. I kind of miss the discipline of setting daily targets and knocking jobs off. Many people have said I should enjoy this enforced break, but I'd far rather have been able to carry on as before. Not just for the work, but for the biking, fishing, swimming, tinkering and yes, even playing football.

Chin up old son

6th October 2015. Did I mention my poorly arm?

It's been about 9 weeks now since a rather innocuous bump on the football pitch left me heading to hospital because my arm felt rather painful.

An X-ray a or two and 4 1/2 hrs later I was on my way back home feeling a bit sorry for myself but pleased it was "just a bump" but warned that it could take 6 weeks to recover as it was likely to be damaged tendons. 

So I took a few days off - I was on leave from work anyhow so no problem. After a week I was still struggling so I trundled off to the docs for a further assessment. She signed me off for two weeks but was happy for me to do "light duties" i.e. sitting at home tinkering with a mouse and keyboard, pouring over planning applications and aerial photographs.  All well and good but, by eck my arm was still really achy. 

Another trip to the surgery for a consultation and it was decided that I'd need an MRI or an ultrasound scan to see what was really going on. But don't even think about working at all for the next two weeks!

I was hoping to be scanned within a few days of my doctor firing off the request but I am still waiting. 

On my most recent trip to the Aldborough  Practice, my doc decides that enough is enough. She has diagnosed a rotator cuff tendon injury, signed me off work for the whole of October, tried to get an early appointment with a specialist and confirmed a scan date for next week.

I'm guessing that, hopefully, the scan will confirm her diagnosis and I will get to see a surgeon before too long. My arm  constantly feels as if it has just taken a hefty thump. By night I really struggle to get comfy and spend a few hours each evening/early morning listening to rubbish radio and communing with the wider world through the power of the internet. I've never spent more time away from work in my adult life. I can't help but feel guilty as I am not ill in the truest sense and my injury seemed so innocuous, but then I get a shooting pain across my shoulder and stifle a yelp.

I guess I can call it a career break but that is of little comfort to my soreness and more importantly of no use to the boys and girls having to cover my work. The work is being done without question and without judgement which is brilliant to know. It's just the way I'd have done it in a reverse situation - take up the baton etc. 

Trouble is, I have no idea when I will be back on the team.  I've been spending my days (the weather has been fantastic to date) walking the highways and byways of North Norfolk and trying (and failing) to catch up on missed sleep. I've not been able to go running, biking, fishing or swimming  - all my favourite things to do when the weather is good enough. Can't see me playing football again for a long long time either.

I'm expecting the next few weeks to be a mixture of highs and lows but above all I want things sorted so as I can have a good nights sleep again.

 

A retun to normality, what I was going to write......

September

For the last 10-15 yrs that has meant a return to school, the end of the holidays, nights drawing in, fewer days off work, no more sea swimming, football, fires and knuckling down to hard work
But
Things are about to change in Bessingham Towers. Jenny has far exceeded what she/we had hoped she may have been able to achieve in her school years. It was no fluke though. I've watched with immense pride how dammed hard she has worked all through her latter years and she got exactly what she deserved.
This leads to Leeds. With offers from some of the best universities in the world, she has made her choice and followed her heart to what she had always wanted - Uni life in a big cosmopolitan city with lots going on. The course will be challenging, rewarding interesting and mon dieu! we wish her well.
It will leave a vacuum in our home life which I will find hard to cope with. To have had the privilege to have been her old dad and watch her life develop to where she has arrived to today has been just the best thing.
Above all, she is ready for this. The next few days will be tough but before you know it, we'll have a future Prime Minister on our hands
All this has pushed young Rosie up the pecking order - not least in that she is know the holder of Jen's season ticket at Carrow Road. Rosie went back to yr 8 at Sheringham High School this morning. What a difference to the 1st day of term this time last year. If she can take any one thing from where Jenny has got to now it would have to be that hard work reaps reward. No doubt she will work out a scam to get round the hard work bit - but she is really looking forwards to this school year. Her sister tells her that year 8 is probably the best school year of all.
So for Rosie and DG, things are getting back to routine I guess. DG has a new intake of yr3 children to nurture though and no doubt will have the weight of the school on her shoulders again before too long. She seems better able to balance work/home life nowadays - now that she is a semi-pro runner. I dare say she'll be racking up even more miles when she only has one child at home to look after (well 2 if you include me). Actually I must have been a right pain in the arse to look after through the holidays and on into September. A rather innocuous  bump while playing football has led to a month or more not being able to drive. Arm tendon damage never seemed so debilitating but, truth be told, I'm a bit fed up with things now. I'm confined to barracks, ploughing through work while sitting in front of a monitor and keyboard. I know that's what a large percentage of the working population do, but for a long time now I've been out and about, filling my lungs with fresh air, having a wander and enjoying the Norfolk countryside. I've actually been doing my survey job for 30 years now, as of yesterday. There were no fanfares, no gold watches, no envelopes stuffed full of cash. A simple letter from the guvnor saying cheers mate was all I was deemed to be worthy of. Maybe he has a point right now.
So my start to September is not usual at all. I can't wait to get out on a bike again or take up a set of golf clubs or a fishing rod, but that may have to wait till next spring now. Hopefully I'll be ok to drive soon - at least I can go and have a paddle then, but in the meantime I'll have to rely on Mrs H.

What price a return to normality?

But what is normality and is it achievable?

And anyhow, things are far from "normal" just now

Globally it would appear that a picture is worth a billion words. Poor bastards getting away from awful things going on in Syria/Libya. Seems a 50% chance of survival in a dinghy is a better bet than staying home and trying to defend their very lives. My hope is that the world will face up to this crisis, not least my government. I've usually looked at it with a view that if folk aren't getting along, they should sit down with each other and have a nice cup of tea and a chat, or maybe a game of cricket but for now a lot of people need a lot of refuge AND we can all help. The xenophobes and scare mongers that say three's no money here and that we're full need to have things better explained to them. Listening to my local radio these last few days has been awful. I've lost count of the times I've heard the phrase "I'm not racist but....." Apparently the island of Britain will sink if any more of "them" come here.

Who knows, maybe when these people are back on their feet and we are helping their homelands rebuild into my desire for things to be normal, maybe they'll go home, which is where I guess they'd all like to live happily ever after.

 

Corfu. Its time to go home

OK, so it was a simple straight forwards,out of the brochure, week away with the girls. Booked a year and a bit ago, a rare return to a previous holiday destination. It was billed as a last hurrah before Jen heads off into her own big bad/good world. San Stefanos is a smallish Corfu village which is largely uninhabited in the off season (a bit like many North Norfolk coastal villages) but comes alive when the sun shines. There's nothing too pretentious here. A great beach, warm seas, plenty of (samey) tavernas to eat at and we got lucky with some great apartments at Tsaros, which is where I sit poolside right now.
Weirdly the owners allocated us the exact same apartment as our previous trip in 2010.  Apartment 5. It's quiet, plenty big enough for us 4 and has wonderful sea views. It's a sweaty step up and down  the hill to the beach and taverns each day but always manageable, even late at night after a belly full of stiffadfo, cheap local wine and beer
As we chose to be here for just a week, we've not ventured too far from our base. There's been no need and even less desire from the girls. The whole resort seems quiet though the travel reps claim that all available holiday space is occupied. Even now, in +35° of morning sun, we are the only bodies round the pool.
We've made some cracking food choices this week, with the surprising stand out being the new beach side restaurant called Chili Wills. Service is desperately slow  but charming. The food and the sunsets make it all worthwhile. For no apparent reason they did an unannounced Mexican food evening last night which was v.good - even if we were looking for something a bit more traditional on our last night
The remainder of today looks a bit gruelling. Hours and hours of travelling while the temp nudges 40° .
I know tomorrow it will be just a bunch of memories, but they will be good memories.
We made a pact to return here again in another 5 years. As a holiday (for us), there's not much more you could want.
Pictures will be up on my Flickr site in a day or so.
Thanks Corfu, but its time to go home

Corfu July 2015

Another long pause between blog entries to the point where I can't even be bothered to look back at the date of my last post.
Suffice to say the year is whizzing past at an alarming pace. There's been lots to look forwards to after a bleak start, but many of these events have come and gone already!  To reflect on the highlights so far may be appropriate as one of the best parts of a holiday, time away,  is that you have to spend time with your thoughts and mull over what you have achieved while also start to plan for the future, whatever that may bring.
For Jenny to have finished schooling (ahead of Uni) makes me feel quite old but intensely proud. For sure, there's no one more hard working/deserving of achieving high grades and a wonderful 3 years in higher ed.
My personal achievements are far more modest though I still try and challenge my old self with bike rides and runs and swims. Cycling 50 miles in pouring rain around North West Norfolk with Jim was by far the toughest, closely followed by the 2 jaunts on the beach here in San Stefanos in the searing heat.  I'm kind of in training for a 100k bike ride in 3 weeks time followed by the Norwich 10k run later in August

One of the most anticipated outings this year was our trip to Latitude. Rosie and I on the family camp site and Jenny in with the noisy boys. A brilliant event with loads of things to see and do , mostly unexpected. It was way busier in the camping area than I imagined but it worked (not enough loos or showers though). Saw some great performances from AltJ Charlatans and Don Letts DJing. My 1st full on festival experience and I loved it. I can't comprehend the scale of Glastonbury being 10 times bigger than Latitude so I have no desire to want to go there. And there were virtually no flags in front of the main stages. And the food and drink in the arena was expensive. And the weather was wonderful

And now our most "looked forwards to" event, our family trip to Corfu.. If I remember, I'll post a detailed travelogue in due course. Howrever, I can report that it is fackin hot and lovely

April 24 2015

Been enjoying a string of Fridays off work this last month. Plenty of unused holidays and time credits (well earned I must say) have given me back some of my time.

As I write, I'm sitting on a gloriously warm Sheringham beach. Unseasonably warm  but I ain't complaining. Actually most of the warm weather has by-passed this part of the world. WEve had nice bright sunny days but chilly winds off the sea too.

I had planned to "go for it" this April in terms of heavy duty fitness but I still have to get it into my little head that a couple of fused back vertebra won't really allow that - so it's been a bit stop start as usual. I've notched up a couple of quick (quick for me) parkruns and even a few miles on the bike. Part of the excitement of taking today off was to try and bag a 25 mile+ ride but my back has been screaming "NO" at me all week. So a cheeky 40 minute ride round the lanes did it - call it a warm up for tomorrow's jig around Sheringham Park. I'm looking forwards to tomorrow's run as it marks DG's 100th. She's gone run crazy these last few weeks. On a recent trip to Scaborough she realised she'd notched up 50 miles that week.

As I have no set goals to achieve just now on the fitness front and with the inspiring London Marathon this weekend, I'm starting to sense the need to set a challenge. There are some intermediate events coming up that are more suited to old gits like me - as in a series of 10k beach runs and some interesting cycle sportives locally. Hopefully my current achyness state will once again dissipate and I can crack on with running biking and even a bit more of the old sods football.

But for the next couple of hours all I need to do is soak up a bit more of this Norfolk sunshine

8th March 2015

Tomorrow would have been mum's 79th birthday.  A month on from what would have been dad's 79th too.

Not sure how to commemorate, (celebrate?) these dates now that they are no longer with us. I respectfully stood at dad's graveside on 14th Feb and she'd a tear and felt fairly useless. As for mum, well we have nowhere yet to formally go and remember and she'd that tear. I won't visit the Nursing home where she lived for her last few years. I went past there yesterday and only feel anger towards the place. It would be more appropriate to go and stand high on the cliffs and let the wind and sea air fill my heart and lungs. I can blame the wind on why my eyes start streaming.

1st Feb 2015

Strange Sunday

Deb put her finger on it.

Today sees a return to near normality at home. For a few years now, quiet Sundays at home didn't exist. Along with all the regular comings and goings of a typical (coz we are fairly typical) family, I've "had to" spend about half the day with mum. Now mum isn't with us anymore, I've suddenly got time on my side, for the 1st time in years. But with nothing planned, rubbish weather, girls all sorted, I've been at a loss at what to do. Too cold and wet to be out and about running walking or cycling, too uninspired to think DIY. I can't even set about the Sunday roast as there's a mountain of chow mein left over from last nights wok night. Southampton v Swansea is the least worst option right now, along with a refresher from Monsieur Artois. 

Maybe I'm going to have to learn how to do lazy Sundays from now on.

Cheers

Jez

January 24 2015

This time last year, I had a house full of party people celebrating my 50th birthday. A landmark worthy of celebration and I think we did it in style with food, drink, music and much merriment. An evening I thoroughly enjoyed and look back on with great fondness and happiness. Given the events of the year since, the most remarkable thing about the party that night is that it was the last time my family would be gathered together as one.  To think that dad made it over, despite feeling continually unwell and in considerable discomfort and stayed for a good while was really great. Mums as determined not to miss out either and enjoyed the attention of everyone she bumped into in her wheel chair. 

And now, on the eve of birthday #51, I have said goodbye to both mum and dad. As Billy has said a few times this week, to lose a parent is very sad, to lose 2 in such a short space of time is careless. 

14th Jan. The day after yesterday

So, as expected, as day followed night, mum died in the morning. A sad end to a very poorly lady. We were told she was comfortable, free of pain and stress (no doubt through some hefty medication) but at least there was a bit of dignity about the way the people at Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital went about their duty.
We weren't at her side. She wouldn't have known. We said goodbye on Sunday - perhaps the saddest moment in my life. Went back on Monday and laughed and sang (and cried a bit more) and left.

I was driving back to my house from Cromer when the call came in. Billy took it. I knew that as I was coming up the road that that would be the time that we'd hear the news that mum had slipped away from us. Billy stood at the front door but didn't have to say anything. We gave each other man hugs, Graham too. Made some horrible phone calls and knuckled down.


Mum had been poorly since the mid/late 80's. Anything that could go wrong probably did. From wobbly knees to asthma, leg ulcers to pneumonia. From running her own house to full time nursing care. A woman who never had much in the way of wealth but managed to give so much of herself to so many. Be it a little cash loan to a struggling neighbour, free piano lessons, cookery advice, spiritual advice or simply her time. As her mobility started to affect her ability to do this for one and all she would become frustrated. Frustrated at not being able to do all the things she used to. In the end she became quite bad tempered, rude and not the wonderfully kind hearted mum we had loved all our lives.  But she was in constant pain, usually on large doses of pain relief and unable to even enjoy a simple meal. She'd want me to go and visit every day if I could. I managed 2,3,4 times a week but it was never enough. We'd also get 3 or 4 phone calls a day and looking back it was probably all in desperation at not being able to do things for her self any more.


That and knowing that every penny that could possibly have been taken from her to fund her care had been taken. Over £150,000. What a way to treat someone who paid their fair dues and helped so many people throughout her younger life.
Her treatment by the owners of the nursing home in Sheringham just before Christmas a few weeks ago was deplorable. The home getting closed on 23rd December with no notice what ever and hardly any choice on where she was having to be relocated to and all as a result of hopeless management is unforgivable. It could never be proven that this unsettling time led to mums rapid decline from then but I can't help feel it was a major contributing factor. The home she moved to was clearly more able to look after people with complex needs like my mum but she never really got to appreciate it. My thanks to them for doing what they were able to do in such a short time. My thanks will also go to some wonderful carers and nurses at St Nicholas over the years who struggled and struggled to do their very best for the residents there. I regularly questioned the management of the place but was always rebuffed. Thankfully now they will not be allowed to look after any more residents needing nursing care, though I take no pleasure in that, as so many people were "evicted" on that day


Looking back over some of my posts over time since mum moved to Norfolk, it is clear that as she declined, her demands on us (me) grew and I hold my hands up and say I found it difficult to cope. I am desperately sad today that I have lost my mum and I'm going to kind of miss the endless stream of phone calls and requests for this and that. I'm going to have more time for my girls and Debsie - they have been fantastic with mum/Granny over time - but above all, mum is now at peace and free from the endless pain.


What am I going to have to write about now eh?


Sleep well old girl

11 January 2015

Things are moving on apace.

As I write, mum is still with us. We know that soon she won't be. We've had tears at the bedside, said goodbye and started to get philosophical about the past and the future. Such a sad time.  She's been poorly for so many years but shown immense strength at some increadably low moments. The turmoil of having to move homes so quickly before Christamas had a hugely unsettling effect and will have contributed to her becoming so unwell so quickly after.

Love you mum