And now, on the eve of birthday #51, I have said goodbye to both mum and dad. As Billy has said a few times this week, to lose a parent is very sad, to lose 2 in such a short space of time is careless.
Saturday 24 January 2015
January 24 2015
This time last year, I had a house full of party people celebrating my 50th birthday. A landmark worthy of celebration and I think we did it in style with food, drink, music and much merriment. An evening I thoroughly enjoyed and look back on with great fondness and happiness. Given the events of the year since, the most remarkable thing about the party that night is that it was the last time my family would be gathered together as one. To think that dad made it over, despite feeling continually unwell and in considerable discomfort and stayed for a good while was really great. Mums as determined not to miss out either and enjoyed the attention of everyone she bumped into in her wheel chair.
Wednesday 14 January 2015
14th Jan. The day after yesterday
So, as expected, as day followed night, mum died in the morning. A sad end to a very poorly lady. We were told she was comfortable, free of pain and stress (no doubt through some hefty medication) but at least there was a bit of dignity about the way the people at Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital went about their duty.
We weren't at her side. She wouldn't have known. We said goodbye on Sunday - perhaps the saddest moment in my life. Went back on Monday and laughed and sang (and cried a bit more) and left.
I was driving back to my house from Cromer when the call came in. Billy took it. I knew that as I was coming up the road that that would be the time that we'd hear the news that mum had slipped away from us. Billy stood at the front door but didn't have to say anything. We gave each other man hugs, Graham too. Made some horrible phone calls and knuckled down.
Mum had been poorly since the mid/late 80's. Anything that could go wrong probably did. From wobbly knees to asthma, leg ulcers to pneumonia. From running her own house to full time nursing care. A woman who never had much in the way of wealth but managed to give so much of herself to so many. Be it a little cash loan to a struggling neighbour, free piano lessons, cookery advice, spiritual advice or simply her time. As her mobility started to affect her ability to do this for one and all she would become frustrated. Frustrated at not being able to do all the things she used to. In the end she became quite bad tempered, rude and not the wonderfully kind hearted mum we had loved all our lives. But she was in constant pain, usually on large doses of pain relief and unable to even enjoy a simple meal. She'd want me to go and visit every day if I could. I managed 2,3,4 times a week but it was never enough. We'd also get 3 or 4 phone calls a day and looking back it was probably all in desperation at not being able to do things for her self any more.
That and knowing that every penny that could possibly have been taken from her to fund her care had been taken. Over £150,000. What a way to treat someone who paid their fair dues and helped so many people throughout her younger life.
Her treatment by the owners of the nursing home in Sheringham just before Christmas a few weeks ago was deplorable. The home getting closed on 23rd December with no notice what ever and hardly any choice on where she was having to be relocated to and all as a result of hopeless management is unforgivable. It could never be proven that this unsettling time led to mums rapid decline from then but I can't help feel it was a major contributing factor. The home she moved to was clearly more able to look after people with complex needs like my mum but she never really got to appreciate it. My thanks to them for doing what they were able to do in such a short time. My thanks will also go to some wonderful carers and nurses at St Nicholas over the years who struggled and struggled to do their very best for the residents there. I regularly questioned the management of the place but was always rebuffed. Thankfully now they will not be allowed to look after any more residents needing nursing care, though I take no pleasure in that, as so many people were "evicted" on that day
Looking back over some of my posts over time since mum moved to Norfolk, it is clear that as she declined, her demands on us (me) grew and I hold my hands up and say I found it difficult to cope. I am desperately sad today that I have lost my mum and I'm going to kind of miss the endless stream of phone calls and requests for this and that. I'm going to have more time for my girls and Debsie - they have been fantastic with mum/Granny over time - but above all, mum is now at peace and free from the endless pain.
What am I going to have to write about now eh?
Sleep well old girl
We weren't at her side. She wouldn't have known. We said goodbye on Sunday - perhaps the saddest moment in my life. Went back on Monday and laughed and sang (and cried a bit more) and left.
I was driving back to my house from Cromer when the call came in. Billy took it. I knew that as I was coming up the road that that would be the time that we'd hear the news that mum had slipped away from us. Billy stood at the front door but didn't have to say anything. We gave each other man hugs, Graham too. Made some horrible phone calls and knuckled down.
Mum had been poorly since the mid/late 80's. Anything that could go wrong probably did. From wobbly knees to asthma, leg ulcers to pneumonia. From running her own house to full time nursing care. A woman who never had much in the way of wealth but managed to give so much of herself to so many. Be it a little cash loan to a struggling neighbour, free piano lessons, cookery advice, spiritual advice or simply her time. As her mobility started to affect her ability to do this for one and all she would become frustrated. Frustrated at not being able to do all the things she used to. In the end she became quite bad tempered, rude and not the wonderfully kind hearted mum we had loved all our lives. But she was in constant pain, usually on large doses of pain relief and unable to even enjoy a simple meal. She'd want me to go and visit every day if I could. I managed 2,3,4 times a week but it was never enough. We'd also get 3 or 4 phone calls a day and looking back it was probably all in desperation at not being able to do things for her self any more.
That and knowing that every penny that could possibly have been taken from her to fund her care had been taken. Over £150,000. What a way to treat someone who paid their fair dues and helped so many people throughout her younger life.
Her treatment by the owners of the nursing home in Sheringham just before Christmas a few weeks ago was deplorable. The home getting closed on 23rd December with no notice what ever and hardly any choice on where she was having to be relocated to and all as a result of hopeless management is unforgivable. It could never be proven that this unsettling time led to mums rapid decline from then but I can't help feel it was a major contributing factor. The home she moved to was clearly more able to look after people with complex needs like my mum but she never really got to appreciate it. My thanks to them for doing what they were able to do in such a short time. My thanks will also go to some wonderful carers and nurses at St Nicholas over the years who struggled and struggled to do their very best for the residents there. I regularly questioned the management of the place but was always rebuffed. Thankfully now they will not be allowed to look after any more residents needing nursing care, though I take no pleasure in that, as so many people were "evicted" on that day
Looking back over some of my posts over time since mum moved to Norfolk, it is clear that as she declined, her demands on us (me) grew and I hold my hands up and say I found it difficult to cope. I am desperately sad today that I have lost my mum and I'm going to kind of miss the endless stream of phone calls and requests for this and that. I'm going to have more time for my girls and Debsie - they have been fantastic with mum/Granny over time - but above all, mum is now at peace and free from the endless pain.
What am I going to have to write about now eh?
Sleep well old girl
Sunday 11 January 2015
11 January 2015
Things are moving on apace.
As I write, mum is still with us. We know that soon she won't be. We've had tears at the bedside, said goodbye and started to get philosophical about the past and the future. Such a sad time. She's been poorly for so many years but shown immense strength at some increadably low moments. The turmoil of having to move homes so quickly before Christamas had a hugely unsettling effect and will have contributed to her becoming so unwell so quickly after.
Love you mum
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